Kansas City, MO

Want to know what’s going on in Kansas City right now?

I freely admit, I am still trying to find the best possible direction for about-kansascitymo.com. There are already a zillion websites of, by, about and for Kansas City… most better equipped than I to bring you up-to-the-minute developments. Just go to Google and type in “Kansas City festivals” and you get more than 1.6 million results.

True Kansas Citians are not interested in re-inventing the wheel.

I am still pondering why anyone would want to know “about-kansascitymo” any more than I want to get an in-depth understanding of, say, Mesa, Ariz., or Milwaukee, Wisc.

So, for now, until I find a better set of legs to run on, we’re going with extreme quirky stuff, unique to Kansas City.

The smartest thing in Kansas City:
The Stowers Institute for Medical Research was founded by Jim and Virginia Stowers with an endowment of $50 million ion 1994. Stowers is founder is American Century Investments, a.k.a. 20th Century Investments, one of the country’s most respected and successful mutual fund companies. Today, that endowment has grown to $2 billion.

See? I told you he was a successful mutual fund guru! Can you imagine $2 billion?

At the institute, scientists and researchers study how genes determine biological fate. However, Missouri is a backward state when it comes to stem cell research. While state voters passed a constitutional amendment to protect stem cell research in 2006, still the state does not yet condone “full speed ahead” on embryonic stem cell research, an attitude that hampers the Stowers Institute from attracting top researchers and programs from around the world.

Extremely smart, extremely generous, extremely successful…

Yet, the growth and success of the institute is endangered by stubborn Missouri attitudes against embryonic stem cell research, giving a kind of uninformed, recklessly irresponsible, gap-toothed peace of mind to the many thousands of stupid people who live in Missouri. Extremely stupid, you see.

In land area, Kansas City ranks 25th in the nation, with 313.5 sq. mi., yet we rank 41 in population! I guess you know what that means! Space. Elbow Room. Big Sky. Lots of Green. Big Back Yards. Wide Boulevards. Gigantic Shopping Areas. Plenty of Free Parking. Everywhere. All the Time.

I will never, ever get over my first trip to Manhattan. I had always perceived New York as this huge city… (and it is, frankly, with all the boroughs covering 303.3 sq. mi., ranking just behind KC at no. 26). I just had not understood the tiny speck that is Manhattan island… 12 mi. long, 2 mi. wide. Please. Everyone crammed on that tiny stretch… Swope Park, our city park, is twice the size of Central Park. I’d always thought Central Park was so huge, but turns out, it’s kind of a postage stamp… I mean, we got “lost” in Central Park and wound up accidentally walking clear across it! That could never happen here in Kansas City. It’s still very funny to me… (well, I said I’d never get over it!)

Swope Park houses our Kansas City Zoo, Starlight Theatre, (and no, I do not approve of the British spelling of “theatre” for U.S. theaters located in the U.S.)… golf courses, a Nature Center and whatnot. It’s easy to get lost in Swope Park while driving in your car because of the twisty roads.

For anyone who needs their space, come to Kansas City… you’ll fit right in.

Sparxafire! Apparently, President Franklin Roosevelt was the first president to propose to leave behind his presidential legacy in the form of a library/museum. Thus, we only have 12 presidential libes so far, and the Greater Kansas City, Mo. area is proud of its Harry S. Truman Library, located in Independence, Mo.
Since hosting a presidential library is one of the things that makes Kansas City rare, let me invite you explore the Truman Library.
Truman was a cool president, scrappy little guy, plain spoken, no nonsense and a snappy dresser. On the one hand, sheepishly abused by his wife, here’s the guy who decided to drop the atom bomb on Hiroshima, thus ending WW II in the Pacific. Woo.
A totally dark horse candidate for vice president, Roosevelt only chose him kinda because the Southern states grudgingly approved of a Missourian, and his Senate committee on war spending had saved the country billions of dollars.
Snappy dresser rises to the challenge! Actually, Truman did more than just drop that bomb. He integrated the military, which was just about as controversial as you could imagine it would be in the late 1940s.
He has many characteristics of people who live in and around Kansas City… He did not have a political mind. He was neck deep in politics, mind you, and he could cope on the fly, but he did not have that dark strategy streak that manipulates and zigs and zags to get to Point B. He just blurted out, “Point B.” That’s true of our area… what political maneuvering that does attempt go on here is clumsy and unskilled. Nothing slick about Harry Truman, nothing slick about Kansas City.

Sparxafire! As far as I know, this is the last in my series of posts about Kansas City identities… We’ve discussed City of Fountains, BBQ, Cowtown and Jazz. All that’s left is Heart of America. And, geographically speaking, we are — well, we are the largest city close (250 miles away) to the geographical center of the lower 48…. Boom. Heart. Of course, if you want to be literal, if we are talking about a metaphor that equates this city to the center of the human body, we should rightfully be known as the “Belly Button of America.” “Navel of America?” But nobody checks these things with me.

Living here, it’s easy to take this symmetry for granted. I’m not sure, but I think I would feel lopsided and out of sorts if I did not live smack dab in the middle of everything. I like to say that all I have to do is spin around in a circle, and I can keep my eye on everybody in the whole country — figuratively, of course — to the peril of my blog audiences. “I seeeeee what you’re doooooing….”

I have never understood why every corporation does not locate its headquarters here, nor do I understand why people have conventions in cities other than Kansas City… just for the efficiencies of shipping and travel alone! And that’s not to mention the other advantages we have — a well-educated workforce, fabulous housing at extra-double cheapity cheap prices, do-able rush hour, enough culture, theater and museums and all that sort of thing. We even have riverboat gaming casinos, so what’s the big deal about having a convention in Vegas?

I watch “Flip That House,” or whatever on cable TV, and I see what housing prices are in other places. It’s nuts! I’ve seen busted out, 2-bedroom, 900 sq. ft. shacks with holes in the roof, no kitchen whatsoever, half of one bathroom and a carport made out of a broken umbrella in California sell for MORE…… than a 2,000 sq. ft. mansion with four bedrooms, mahogany wood trim, granite, gleaming stainless steel, 2 fireplaces and a double-car garage here in Kansas City!

Oh, well. I don’t know why I make that point … because everybody will come here to live and clog up the freeways and whatnot.

Heart of America. Ideal terrorist target? I don’t like to think about terrorists, all: “Let us strike them in their very heart!” and point to Kansas City on the map.

Although, I will say, I am smug about our accent here in the Heartland. (We call ourselves that sometimes. In fact, in our phone book, 168 businesses are named “Heartland something.” Only 33 are listed under “Heart of America” something.) We are the only city whose residents do not have an accent! You just think we speak with a twang and do not know most rules of grammar! Other areas of Missouri DO have shocking accents and grammer: “Wull, I dun tole this good ole boy he thought he seen a ghost, but it was really granny a-shakin’ the mouse droppin’s outta the sheets.”

No, no, no, no, no.

Not in Kansas City. Here’s the proof of the “no accent” part: Walter Cronkite was born in St. Joseph, Mo., about 50 miles north of Kansas City. We speak with the same accent Mr. Cronkite has… that is, no accent at all! Cronkite and other news anchors taught America how to speak correctly, with no accent. And that’s the Kansas City accent. All others have accents, Noo Yawkers, Southerners and whomever. Not KC.

Finally, all the Heart of America business is purely based on geography. As a metropolis, I think we probably have a heart about like most Midwestern cities. We have charity here, and we try to help the downtrodden and whatnot, no more, no less than anyone else, I suppose. So, don’t rush in here and buy all our amazing real estate and mansions because you think we are some metaphysical heart of America. We’re just regular folks.

Sparxafire!
We do have a lot of wonderful fountains here — of the elaborate and grandiose type. During the early development of Kansas City, founding fathers wanted the city to have, “more boulevards than Paris; more fountains than Rome.” And we do have lots of great avenues and fountains. According to city all, Kansas City is officially known as the “City of Fountains,” and the city uses the image of a fountain as its logo.

But “more than” …? That has never been proved to me. Through an accidental oversight, I forgot to visit Paris and Rome to personally check this out. Although, I suppose one would need to define a fountain. Water fountain? What about a waterfall? We have those architecturally presented into our cityscape, but since they don’t splurt, do they count?

The Kansas City Fountains website claims to have listed more than 200 Kansas City Fountains… then goes on to say that only Rome has more fountains than Kansas City… without revealing how many fountains Rome has! They also do not count the hundreds of corporate fountains, neighborhood and other private foountains that are inspired by the city’s committment to fountains.

When Nebraska Furniture Mart came to town, for godsake, it attempted to anchor itself to the city with a significant fountain!

Here’s the definitive clue: I don’t notice the Rome website touting, “More Fountains Than Kansas City!” on its front page. Aha! See? Even Rome is not so sure!

Beyond the highly controversial numbers and claims of world leadership, KC’s fountains are great. I do not take them for granted, and when I am visiting other cities, I occasionally find myself spotting perfect places to put a fountain. Strangely, I think I miss them when I’m out of town.

Kansas City’s most famous fountain = the JC Nichols Memorial Fountain located in our semi-famous Country Club Plaza. The Plaza is the one that produces spectacular holiday views by outlining all the buildings in lights … I mean, 80 miles of light strings containing 280,000 bulbs outlining architecturally unique Spanish-style buildings.

One of my favorite KC fountains is the one closest to my house… and that’s part of the reason it’s my favorite. It is the only fountain designed to run all winter long and thereby create a fascinating mountain of ice that constantly changes with winter temperatures! Freezing cool! Sparxafire, indeed!

Sparxafire!
Kansas City is known for its jazz roots, but is not known as the No. 1 jazz city in the U.S.

You tell me if this is odd: In my lifetime in Kansas City, I’ve never known anyone who is a fan of jazz. I do not care for jazz. I don’t know where a person would go to hear live jazz in Kansas City.

We have a jazz museum, and Charlie Parker’s sax. There are probably dozens of sites where you can find out about Kansas City jazz.

Sorry to waste your time, but a Kansas City blog should at least mention jazz. So I just did.

Sparxafire!
Today, we deliciously explore Kansas City barbeque. Yum. (understatement)

When I Google “Kansas City barbeque” I get about 31,000 hits. It appears, I am not the first to mention KCBBQ online. So, the history and the developments and the milestones and so on are already well-documented. And, it is not the point of this blog to provide what is already provided elsewhere. Thus I provide you my unique perspective on this subjective topic.

KCBBQ is not only ecstatically delicious, it really is the best in the world - all subjectivity aside, native Kansas Citians know this to be fact. We know this, even though, when we travel to other cities, we do not bother to sample their bbq. This includes Texas bbq, which attempts in a blunt-force Texas-y way, to insinuate its inferior, ham-handed bbq product on the unsophisticated.

There may be other cities or regions that try to claim bbq as an asset. I couldn’t/wouldn’t say.

If KCBBQ owes a nod or debt of gratitude to any other region for its unqualified superiority, it might be Memphis, the home town of Henry Perry, who moved to Kansas City in 1907. Perry set up a little alley stand in Kansas City’s Garment District to serve smoked meats to the workers. It was the marriage of his peppery sauce with Kansas City beef that clicked. So, thank you, Memphis for Mr. Perry.

Two of Perry’s employees were guys named Charlie Bryant and Arthur Pinkard. Charlie established the KCBBQ institution now known as Arthur Bryant’s, and Arthur Pinkard teamed up with George Gates to found another - Gates and Sons Bar-B-Q.

Thus, in Kansas City, Bryant and Gates are perhaps the two fundamental legs upon which all others stand.

Which is better? Bryants or Gates? Ah, this depends completely on the unique, one-of-a-kind configuration of taste buds and papillae and gustatory cells that are precisely configured on your particular tongue map, soft palate and epiglottis.

So while KCBBQ is not strictly a Kansas City “identity,” it is certainly a fundamental characteristic, steeped in truth and the purest authenticity. And please, remain calm. This is only my first post about KCBBQ! Sparxafire, indeed.

Sparxafire! Kansas City does not have anything so trite as an identity crisis. But it does have more than one identity, and that can be confusing.

Cowtown
Kansas City BBQ
Kansas City Jazz
City of Fountains
Heart of America

As I’m sure is the case in other metropolisses (metropoli), we have a heritage that becomes entangled with someone’s public relations campaign, that clashes with images in popular culture, and before you know it, the city is some kind of freak!

So, here we are with an awkward brand for Kansas City. Generally speaking, locals do not care much for the “Cowtown” image, in spite of the fact that all of us do ride cows to work every day. Outsiders may assume our recent vote for “light rail” indicates some kind of motorized transportation, when it is shorthand for “lighter rails around the corrals we keep our cows in.” It’s true! Really.

And, we have a 90 ft. tall monument to cows. Perched high atop a monolithic base near downtown is a plastic or maybe fiberglas replica of a hereford, proudly gazing northward and giving the southland the benefit of his butt cuts. (I am very grateful to live in the north part of Kansas City.)

Is there shame in cows? That is to say, should we be ashamed of our livestocky origins? My grandfather was a cattle man, but he died before I was born. I get the impression that a cattle man had a bit of a swagger over the crop farmer, but nobody is sure why. Maybe the cattle mean had to do more haggling to buy, fatten and sell his wares? Are “cowboys” embarrassing in some way?

(I’d make a strong case that men of the 21st century, who do not work directly with cows, yet who insist on dressing up in a cowboy costume are, in fact embarrassing and just plain whack. But, that’s just me, Mr. President.)

As a KC lifer, I’m sure I’m too close to the issue. But if pressed for my opinion, I’d answer matter-of-factly, “Sure we’re a cowtown! And your point?” Sparxafire, indeed.

Welcome world. First, let’s define Kansas City, because unless you live here, you probably don’t understand that actual, downtown Kansas City is in MISSOURI, not “Kansas!”

And, it’s not your problem, it’s our problem. See, there are two Kansas Citys… Kansas City, MISSOURI and Kansas City, KANSAS. The population of KCMO is 444,965, while the population of KCKS is a paltry 146,866. Since this is the Kansas City, Mo. blog, we’re sticking to the Missouri side.

Although, the two cities are contiguous, and are members of the Kansas City Metro Area, which is a bi-state, 15-county Kansas City Metropolitan Area, anchored by Kansas City, Missouri, 27th largest in the United States with an estimated population about 2 million in 2006. Included in the metro area is Independence, Mo., home of President Harry Truman, as well as about 75 other cities/suburbs with names like Avondale, De Soto, Lake Lotawana and Lone Jack.

So now, here’s the deal: When it comes to “Kansas City,” the Kansas side is bean dip as compared to the Kansas City in Missouri. KCMO is home of the Kansas City Chiefs, the Kansas City Royals (well… it is…) …. It’s the home of Hallmark Cards, H&R Block, Sprint, AMC Theatres, Applebees, Black & Veatch, DST Systems — even Interstate Bakeries, makers of Twinkies and Wonder Bread! and the world’s first shopping center, the fancy-schmantzy Country Club Plaza. It has theater, Frank Lloyd Wright-designed structures, 20 colleges and universities, a major zoo and important museums. It is known for jazz, steak and barbeque.

Downtown KCKS is about two blocks long, and its movie theater is boarded up.

In my lifetime, I’ve had several dozen conversations on planes and whatnot that go like this.

Stranger: So, where are you from?
Me: Kansas City
Stranger: So, what’s it like to live in Kansas?
OR
Oh, so you know all about Dorothy and the Wizard of Oz…
OR
How many tornados have you been in?
And/or, more recently:
So, you’re the ones who don’t believe in evolution, right?

NO! THAT’S ALL K A N S A S STUFF! (Sorry to shout… it’s not your fault!)
Wheat, sunflowers, tornadoes, Wizard of Oz, Eisenhower…. all Kansas.

Missouri stuff? Uh, Missouri Mules, Harry Truman, Show-Me State, Ozarks… I don’t think there’s a prominent Missouri-based movie. But, for the record, we do have lots of tornadoes here, too.